LOS ANGELES, CA – In a turn of events yesterday evening, Melissa finally showed up at 7:24 with breathless reports of “traffic, like, everywhere.” “I think the rest of us saw the traffic coming, given that it was dinner and dinner typically happens right at the end of rush hour,” explained one witness, a friend … Continue reading
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In good news for fans of sustainability and bad news for anyone already having trouble keeping track of Hollywood’s white Chris population, President Obama announced Thursday that the future of renewable Chris-es is looking bright – and very blond. “Recent advances have been astounding, but I know we can do better,” the … Continue reading
Please look at Ted Cruz. Continue reading
But any success of Jen’s magnitude has enemies. One former friend feels snubbed by Jen’s success. “I got her this job. She was NEVER the funny one! Saying ‘hello, hello?’ into the phone when no one is there? I invented that. Jen is a thief and hack.” Continue reading
“There are a few easy things you can do to get pretty much any woman into bed,” Mike “SwitchBlaade” Ross began, taking the hands of his future wife at the altar of a little church in Eagle Rock, Los Angeles. Continue reading
Join Pinterest, or a well-trained mafia of women in embroidered vintage gloves and cute feather patterned hoods will hold you down in your sleep and force your eyes open as they sign you up against your will. And you better start goddamn pinning or the process will be repeated as the mafia pins some Mason-jar-themed … Continue reading
Before finding the Church of Scientology, Prepon was weighed down by typical struggling-actor problems, like previous negative emotions and the fact that the eyelashes glued onto her face can’t move because she is a plank of wood with no muscle tissue and also technically dead. Continue reading
Hey, let’s take a look at 10 times Andrew Garfield was actually your boyfriend! 1) This time, when he gazed adoringly into your eyes. 2) Or the time he teamed up with you, his significant other and famous peer, to outsmart the paparazzi by drawing attention to more important news. 3) Remember when he looked great in a suit and was … Continue reading
There are some things in life that you’ll only get if you’re half human, half horse. Such as…. 1) Never really knowing if you’re a human, or a horse. 2) Finding pants is SO HARD when you’ve got horse legs! 3) You HATE introducing yourself to new people because there’s always that moment where they … Continue reading
Bet you didn’t know apple cider vinegar was so handy! Did you know a little apple cider vinegar a day can prevent home invasions? Use apple cider vinegar to disband your musical improv theater group. Apple cider vinegar helps reduce/prevent forest fires and violent crime. It helps to regulate small business owners. It helps relieve … Continue reading
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