WASHINGTON, D.C. – At the First Annual Subnormal Temperature Hands Convention in the nation’s capital this month, organizers were surprised to discover that they also had an accidental OB/gyn convention on their cold, cold hands. The 693 speakers and attendees, enjoying panels and workshops such as “Discreet Blankets For Public Use,” “Wearing Mittens To Bed: … Continue reading
Most of us like to think seahorse pregnancy is all beautiful mating dance rituals and a quick 9 to 45 days of blissful gestation, but believe us, there are a lot of disgusting truths that nobody’s talking about… until now. 1) Seahorse dads have a “brood pouch” that carries the young and it’s actually just modified … Continue reading
PASADENA, CA – The upcoming Gilmore Girls Netflix revival has aroused excitement in hordes of internet fans, but for one woman the arousal is literal – and not as fun as it sounds. “It’s ruined my life, honestly, and I’m sick of hiding it,” Tasha Perkins, 41, revealed about her newfound affliction. “I can only, … Continue reading
![Every Local News Broadcast Ever [Sketch]](https://leahandlia.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/screen-shot-2014-07-23-at-10-23-57-am.png?w=290&h=290&crop=1 "Every Local News Broadcast Ever [Sketch]")
We noticed local news gets kind of… repetitive. Continue reading
Local grocery store chain company employee Olivia Dewris reported Monday that she felt “considerably uplifted” by the idea of being reborn as a corporation in the next life, “if I’m lucky.” Dewris had been daydreaming about the concept of reincarnation when she began to fantasize about the possibilities. “I started thinking about what could possibly … Continue reading
Bet you didn’t know apple cider vinegar was so handy! Did you know a little apple cider vinegar a day can prevent home invasions? Use apple cider vinegar to disband your musical improv theater group. Apple cider vinegar helps reduce/prevent forest fires and violent crime. It helps to regulate small business owners. It helps relieve … Continue reading
After hearing the story six times since this weekend of how one very anonymous local woman strained a hip joint during “awesome” sex, friends are now aware that Alexa* [name changed] is in a lot of awesome-sex-related pain. “My name is Jess. Jess Fumero. Tell them my name,” the distressed young woman said early today … Continue reading
