White Supremacist Beginning To Think Tyler Not Supreme
Adulthood Struggles / Fears / Neighborhood News / Politics

White Supremacist Beginning To Think Tyler Not Supreme

ST. LOUIS, MO – Prominent white supremacist Dan Donelan, whose faith in the superiority of white people shapes every facet of his life and behavior, may be reconsidering his beliefs based on local white teen Tyler – who is seemingly not growing up to be “supreme.” “We like to give ‘em a few years to … Continue reading

American More Concerned How “Brexit” Affects Hogwarts
Business News / Fears / In The News / Movies/TV / Politics

American More Concerned How “Brexit” Affects Hogwarts

WILMINGTON, NC – Forty-year-old American citizen and small business manager, Eric Smith, was sifting through online article after online article for any news on how “Brexit” might affect Hogwarts and the rest of the wizarding community across the pond. “I keep hearing about the Brexit and how disastrous it is for lots of U.K. industries … Continue reading

Local Woman Over-Pronouncing Horchata
Adulthood Struggles / Fears / Food / Neighborhood News

Local Woman Over-Pronouncing Horchata

LOS ANGELES, CA – Local white woman Sadie Andreyevsky reported to authorities this morning that she felt “flustered, broken, and confused” – because of her favorite rice, vanilla, and cinnamon drink.   “I know I’m doing it wrong,” she announced to a silent press conference, visibly welling with emotion. “But I can’t stop. I think … Continue reading

Study: a growing number of Americans don’t believe in Beyonce
Celebrities / Fears / In The News / Spirituality

Study: a growing number of Americans don’t believe in Beyonce

“I definitely don’t believe in a perfect, all-knowing version of Beyoncé,” said one woman polled for a long-term study of Americans’ attitudes about the entertainer. She recently decided she identifies as Beyoncé-agnostic. “She’s probably something more like an energy that we can’t totally understand yet.” “Um, I don’t believe in Santa Claus or the tooth fairy … Continue reading

Annual Bathroom Stall Gap Committee confirms: “1-1/2 inches A-OK!”
Adulthood Struggles / Business News / Fears / General Whining / In The News / Politics / The Man

Annual Bathroom Stall Gap Committee confirms: “1-1/2 inches A-OK!”

The small, elite group of Washington, D.C. officials who decide every year just how much space is appropriate for gaps between sections of bathroom stalls confirmed once again that everything is going, as one official put it, “super well.” “We’re very happy to confirm that the limits we’ve all been living with since the founding … Continue reading