5 Birds To Fantasize About Living As For The Rest Of Election Season
Grief Counseling / In The News / Inspirational / Pictures / Politics / Self Help / The Man / Women and Men

5 Birds To Fantasize About Living As For The Rest Of Election Season

Instead of living through the last couple weeks of garbage smell in verbal form that all of our news feeds have become, try pretending that you are, instead, a graceful creature of the sky. Your news is birdsong and your desk is the trees. Your friends are birds too and your conversation is more birdsong. You … Continue reading

SHOCKER: Minutes Before Debate, Trump Reveals Himself To Be Cthulhu, Lord Of Destruction And Evil
Natural Phenomena / Politics

SHOCKER: Minutes Before Debate, Trump Reveals Himself To Be Cthulhu, Lord Of Destruction And Evil

ST. LOUIS, MO – It’s unclear how the polls and audience opinion will be affected since Trump revealed himself to be Cthulhu, supreme lord of destruction, chaos, and evil, just before the debate Sunday night. “I still just don’t trust Hillary,” one voter explained, as Trump/Cthulhu murdered a newborn baby in ritual sacrifice to ancient … Continue reading

The Most Impossible Game Of ‘Would You Rather’ If You’re Phenomenally Bad At Weighing Options
Adulthood Struggles / Celebrities / In The News / Lists / Politics

The Most Impossible Game Of ‘Would You Rather’ If You’re Phenomenally Bad At Weighing Options

No internet for a year?  Or always have reliable wifi for the rest of your life?? We bet you can’t survive these Would You Rathers, assuming you’re someone with a fundamental lack of differentiating between good and bad choices! 1) WOULD YOU RATHER… Get new bath towels for free? Or– Your bath towels are sandpaper? … Continue reading

White Supremacist Beginning To Think Tyler Not Supreme
Adulthood Struggles / Fears / Neighborhood News / Politics

White Supremacist Beginning To Think Tyler Not Supreme

ST. LOUIS, MO – Prominent white supremacist Dan Donelan, whose faith in the superiority of white people shapes every facet of his life and behavior, may be reconsidering his beliefs based on local white teen Tyler – who is seemingly not growing up to be “supreme.” “We like to give ‘em a few years to … Continue reading

Nation’s Marginalized Citizens Sick Of Writing Think Pieces
Adulthood Struggles / General Whining / In The News / Politics / Social Media / The Man

Nation’s Marginalized Citizens Sick Of Writing Think Pieces

LOS ANGELES, CA – As the famous law of physics states, every ignorant public comment or piece of media released by a prominent figure has an equal and opposite reaction from the blogosphere. Unfortunately for physics, ignorant comment-saying and media creation requires much less energy than the necessary response to explain why it was degrading … Continue reading

American More Concerned How “Brexit” Affects Hogwarts
Business News / Fears / In The News / Movies/TV / Politics

American More Concerned How “Brexit” Affects Hogwarts

WILMINGTON, NC – Forty-year-old American citizen and small business manager, Eric Smith, was sifting through online article after online article for any news on how “Brexit” might affect Hogwarts and the rest of the wizarding community across the pond. “I keep hearing about the Brexit and how disastrous it is for lots of U.K. industries … Continue reading

Nation’s Unemployment Rate For Andrew Garfields At 100%
Business News / Celebrities / In The News / Movies/TV / Politics / The Man

Nation’s Unemployment Rate For Andrew Garfields At 100%

WASHINGTON, D.C. – White House officials scrambled for answers this morning when news broke that the nation’s unemployment rate for Andrew Garfields has skyrocketed in recent months – to approximately 100%. “He’s so talented, he’s brilliant. There’s no reason. How did we let this happen?” A spokesperson for Garfield said in a live press conference … Continue reading