Jeff Flake Forgoes Homemade Ghost Costume Under Which He’s Been Criticizing Trump For Months
Inspirational / Politics

Jeff Flake Forgoes Homemade Ghost Costume Under Which He’s Been Criticizing Trump For Months

WASHINGTON, D.C.– Senator Jeff Flake tweeted a stinging rebuke of President Donald Trump’s latest controversial comments Thursday, most notably without the homemade ghost costume Flake has been wearing since September and well past Halloween. Sources say that Flake took off the billowy disguise (from under which he has been criticizing Trump for months) sometime soon … Continue reading

Mom Would Have Preferred Beto O’Rourke Not Said F Word
In The News / Neighborhood News / Politics

Mom Would Have Preferred Beto O’Rourke Not Said F Word

EL PASO, TEXAS– After Democrat Beto O’Rourke passionately told supporters in his concession speech that he was “so  f—ing proud of you guys” for what they accomplished in the ultimately unsuccessful but admirably fought battle against incumbent Senator Ted Cruz, local mom Judy Veranda voiced her mild disapproval of Beto’s use of the F word. … Continue reading

Trump Supporters Need Increasingly Extreme Rhetoric In Order to Get Off, Study Finds
Health / In The News / Politics

Trump Supporters Need Increasingly Extreme Rhetoric In Order to Get Off, Study Finds

EVERYWHERE, U.S.– A new study published Friday found that Trump supporters require increasingly extreme rhetoric over time in order to get off. Reaching back as far as 2011, the study closely examined how Trump supporters– once adequately satisfied with controversial (racist) statements questioning President Barack Obama’s citizenship in the United States– have habitually needed more … Continue reading

Woman Convincingly Hiding Reaction To $800 Price Tag Sparks Early Oscar Buzz
Adulthood Struggles / Inspirational / Movies/TV / Neighborhood News

Woman Convincingly Hiding Reaction To $800 Price Tag Sparks Early Oscar Buzz

Local woman Shannon Ethers, 30, earned herself early talk of an Oscar nod after her performance at a boutique lingerie shop where she convincingly reacted to an $800 bra like it was no big deal. Ethers had reportedly never intended to go into the previously unnoticed shop but popped into the store on a whim … Continue reading

Man’s Life Officially Ruined
General Whining / In The News / Politics

Man’s Life Officially Ruined

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s life was officially ruined in a private ceremony Saturday with his family, the president, key politicians, and the other 8 sitting supreme court justices in attendance. President Donald Trump bemoaned Kavanaugh’s ruined life to those present for the occasion before Chief Justice John Roberts and former Justice Anthony Kennedy … Continue reading

Senator Collins: “We MUST listen to women before we tell them it doesn’t matter.”
In The News / Inspirational / Politics

Senator Collins: “We MUST listen to women before we tell them it doesn’t matter.”

WASHINGTON D.C. – Senator Collins heroically addressed the Senate Friday to announce her intention to vote YES on Judge Kavanaugh’s confirmation to the Supreme Court, emphasizing that “we must listen to women before we tell them it doesn’t matter.” In her passionate statement, Senator Collins bravely insisted, “we have to acknowledge the Me Too movement … Continue reading

Ferris Bueller Spent Day Home Sick According to High School Calendar
80s / Celebrities / In The News / Movies/TV / Politics

Ferris Bueller Spent Day Home Sick According to High School Calendar

CHICAGO, IL – Ferris Bueller doubled down Tuesday in a public statement that he spent the entire school day in question at home, sick and in bed after providing calendars from his time in high school in the 80s that make no mention of being anywhere other than his room that day. “I have never … Continue reading