Experts have found that a simple trick will improve the taste and texture of your booty the next time you serve your guests (or just yourself!). Rest your booty for ten minutes before serving, or all of the care and effort you put into preparation may result in a booty that’s tougher and chewier than … Continue reading
Maybe you think these fall gourds are weird looking, but I promise you wouldn’t think that if HBO would cast a wider variety of topless women. 1 Even these normal-looking little pumpkins probably make you feel a little weird when I say they look like my breasts – why? Is that the world we really want … Continue reading
LOS ANGELES, CA – Local white woman Sadie Andreyevsky reported to authorities this morning that she felt “flustered, broken, and confused” – because of her favorite rice, vanilla, and cinnamon drink. “I know I’m doing it wrong,” she announced to a silent press conference, visibly welling with emotion. “But I can’t stop. I think … Continue reading
LOS ANGELES, CA – In a turn of events yesterday evening, Melissa finally showed up at 7:24 with breathless reports of “traffic, like, everywhere.” “I think the rest of us saw the traffic coming, given that it was dinner and dinner typically happens right at the end of rush hour,” explained one witness, a friend … Continue reading
Please look at Ted Cruz. Continue reading
Human interaction, sunsets, and everything you’ve fought so hard for has failed to make you happy. Why not give one of these great brunch spots a shot? Annabelle’s If you’re lacking a sense of purpose, see if you’ll find it in the famous French toast at Annabelle’s. Spring for their indulgent extra toppings, since you’re … Continue reading
Appetizing photos of food, a.k.a “food porn,” was once exclusively created by professionals with fancy cameras and lighting and sets and budgets. Then everything changed. Ever since the camera phone made a big splash onto the scene, the public has taken the food porn power into its own buttery hands. With the holidays upon us, … Continue reading
Bet you didn’t know apple cider vinegar was so handy! Did you know a little apple cider vinegar a day can prevent home invasions? Use apple cider vinegar to disband your musical improv theater group. Apple cider vinegar helps reduce/prevent forest fires and violent crime. It helps to regulate small business owners. It helps relieve … Continue reading
The inaugural Pears Skating competition made its successful debut at the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi with the United States’ Justin Pearson and Anna McPeary stealing the show in a gold medal victory. Pearson and McPeary executed a flawless, energetic performance to Little Richard’s “Tutti Frutti,” which secured a first place slot for the duo. … Continue reading
Disappointed with previous fun-ness of reported guest experiences, company CEO Charles Wild Wings has announced the Guest Experience Captain position will no longer be something “unfun people can just waltz into.” “When I’m watching a football game on one of our dozens of fine TVs, and a girl with a microphone is encouraging me to … Continue reading
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