PHILADELPHIA, PA. – Instead of hosting and cleaning up after another party in America’s apartment this year, she decided to have friends gather at a local bar. “It’ll be really low key, feel free to roll through and leave whenever,” America announced in a Facebook event. “Parking’s pretty easy, the meters on the main street … Continue reading
After hearing the story six times since this weekend of how one very anonymous local woman strained a hip joint during “awesome” sex, friends are now aware that Alexa* [name changed] is in a lot of awesome-sex-related pain. “My name is Jess. Jess Fumero. Tell them my name,” the distressed young woman said early today … Continue reading
On Sunday J.K. Rowling, world famous author of the Harry Potter book series, dropped her latest bombshell on the wizarding world when she admitted that Hermione Granger should have ended up with Harry Potter instead of their mutual best friend Ron Weasley. In the wake of Rowling’s stunning revelation, Harry and Hermione announced their plans … Continue reading
If Sexy Men and Adorable Cats in Similar Poses floated your boat, then Sexy Cats and Adorable Men in Similar Poses is going to make your boat sprout wings and fly off into space. Meeeeeeeow. Continue reading
Something appeared a little off with a local office coordinator earlier today. Megan Grouse, 32, reportedly mistook her co-workers for various family members, fueled by apparent pent-up resentment for each. She also brought stuffing, made after her mother’s recipe. “OF COURSE IT’S NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS YOURS, MOTHER,” she snapped to her startled supervisor. … Continue reading
“I’ve never felt connected to the attributes of my Chinese zodiac sign, the cock,” explains 32-year-old Harlan White. He just finished a weeklong bender in Van Nuys and came out with a rather permanent way to remember the otherwise fun vacation – a majestic red cock across his left shoulder. “Cocks are supposed to be … Continue reading
To everyone’s delight at each USC home football game, fans in the student section engage in intense teamwork to make giant artistic images out of colored tiles in the stadium. After this weekend’s spirited visual masterpiece, USC might want to consider changing its “Fight On” slogan to “&~`____*\”. “I know it might look easy, but … Continue reading
It’s pretty much a given nowadays that any business is getting their hands all sticky in the social media honeypot. Not to be left out of the action, that shady liquor store around the corner from your house wants to expand its regulars beyond those drunk guys that you walk by every morning and the … Continue reading
Because sometimes emergencies happen at parties… and all you’ve got are us, man, and we have been drinking since like this afternoon. So here is our handy guide to three emergencies that, let’s face it, are going to happen in our presence. FIRE 1. Hey man, you should maybe sit less close to the campfire. … Continue reading
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