After hearing the story six times since this weekend of how one very anonymous local woman strained a hip joint during “awesome” sex, friends are now aware that Alexa* [name changed] is in a lot of awesome-sex-related pain.
“My name is Jess. Jess Fumero. Tell them my name,” the distressed young woman said early today via phone interview. “And I just want people to know what happens if you don’t stretch — before extremely above average sex. Extremely above average. I’m just so embarrassed!”
It appears Alexa* was injured because the sex was “really, really good” and “went on for a really long time.”
“She made it clear she was very hesitant to tell such a private story,” says an acquaintance of the victim, who met her in line at a grocery store this morning. “Before she described in graphic detail the enthusiasm and spectacular dong of her gentleman caller.”
Alexa* says her movement may be limited for some time, though a doctor isn’t needed and she should be healed by this coming Friday night.