Disappointed with previous fun-ness of reported guest experiences, company CEO Charles Wild Wings has announced the Guest Experience Captain position will no longer be something “unfun people can just waltz into.”

“When I’m watching a football game on one of our dozens of fine TVs, and a girl with a microphone is encouraging me to show off my best touchdown dance, I need to feel like I’m in capable hands,” Wild Wings somberly declared at his press conference this morning. “I’ve seen a lot of patrons who were not convinced that it would be worth it to dance.”

Kelly, a 23-year-old who was recently promoted from Guest Experience Lieutenant to Guest Experience Captain, says she does have peers who don’t take their rank seriously. “Some will only offer a dipping sauce sample when asked,” she shakes her head. “It’s people like that who are tearing this great country apart.”

Wild Wings assured members of the press that a promotion to Captain would now only be bestowed upon “someone you can really cut loose around, who loves to offer a bountiful variety of dipping sauces.”