There are some things in life that you’ll only get if you’re half human, half horse. Such as….
1) Never really knowing if you’re a human, or a horse.
2) Finding pants is SO HARD when you’ve got horse legs!
3) You HATE introducing yourself to new people because there’s always that moment where they can’t decide if they should shake your hand or affectionately pat your chest and tell you what a big handsome boy you are.
4) Always having to deal with messy hair and feeling SO SWEATY because you gallop to get everywhere.
5) Your celebrity lookalike is Tobey Maguire riding Seabiscuit.
6) Public speaking is your worst nightmare because sometimes you just can’t control the occasional majestic neigh.
7) You’d never admit this out loud, but you feel kind of insecure about parts of your body because of My Little Pony.
8) Hay is for horses, but also for you sometimes?
9) As a teen you were a pro at coming up with excuses whenever the mad scientist demanded to know what you were doing outside the castle walls.
10) You kind of don’t like visiting friends that have kids because said kids are drawn to your tail.
11) People are constantly trying to set you up with their other human-horse hybrid friends. Thanks, but no thanks.
12) You can’t just enjoy apples and carrots without people assuming it’s the horse in you.
13) You’re always giving friends rides but they never return the favor because let’s be real, their back could never support your 16 hand/1000 pound frame.
14) Instead of responding with anger and disbelief, people just say “it’s probably for the best” when you tell them you’ve never seen The Godfather.
15) In spite of everything, you wouldn’t trade being a human-horse hybrid for anything in the world, and none of the rest of us will ever really know why.