Spiritual Woman Empowered By The Thought “When I die, I hope I come back as a corporation.”
Business News / Health / In The News / Inspirational / Neighborhood News / Politics / Spirituality / The Man

Spiritual Woman Empowered By The Thought “When I die, I hope I come back as a corporation.”

Local grocery store chain company employee Olivia Dewris reported Monday that she felt “considerably uplifted” by the idea of being reborn as a corporation in the next life, “if I’m lucky.” Dewris had been daydreaming about the concept of reincarnation when she began to fantasize about the possibilities. “I started thinking about what could possibly … Continue reading

Area Woman Officially Swears Off Guys Named ‘Steve’
Adulthood Struggles / Celebrities / General Whining / Neighborhood News / Women and Men

Area Woman Officially Swears Off Guys Named ‘Steve’

Abby Slenson, an online marketing consultant, announced to her friends over Sunday drinks that she’s “completely done” getting romantically involved with what she described as “any and all Steves. Never again.” Slenson’s decision to eschew any past, present, and future guys in her life named Steve was reached after what she calls “[her] consistent rotten … Continue reading

Things getting serious with cute neighbor’s dog
Adulthood Struggles / Cute Cute Cute / Movies/TV / Neighborhood News / Women and Men

Things getting serious with cute neighbor’s dog

A young woman who’s new to the city, her job, and this crazy thing called life is fortunate to have moved in next to a neighbor with an adorable dog. “If my life were a sitcom, my cute neighbor Jared would definitely be the love interest,” Amanda, 21, explains. “But I honestly am happier that … Continue reading

After Buzzfeed quiz, woman comes out to family as Jesse from Full House
90s / Adulthood Struggles / Celebrities / Movies/TV / Neighborhood News / Self Help / Social Media / Tech News

After Buzzfeed quiz, woman comes out to family as Jesse from Full House

 “This is who I am now,” Karen Hill from Encino tearfully announced to her family at a small press conference this morning. “And I am so, so grateful to everyone who’s accepted me as I always have been inside.” Ms. Hill, a first-time Buzzfeed test-taker, says she’s never seen Full House and is not sure … Continue reading

After Noah, Christians realize Captain America 2 also unfaithful to Bible
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After Noah, Christians realize Captain America 2 also unfaithful to Bible

There has been some pundit outrage this week that Darren Aronofsky’s new Christian religious happyjam movie Noah isn’t as happy or religious as expected. Turning for solace from the garbage nonmovie to the week’s other box office titan, Captain America 2, theatergoers were shocked and horrified to find that the Captain’s biblical story was also different than … Continue reading

Friend “really embarrassed” about sex injury
Adulthood Struggles / Drunk Mistakes / Get More Sex / Health / Neighborhood News / Women and Men

Friend “really embarrassed” about sex injury

After hearing the story six times since this weekend of how one very anonymous local woman strained a hip joint during “awesome” sex, friends are now aware that Alexa* [name changed] is in a lot of awesome-sex-related pain. “My name is Jess. Jess Fumero. Tell them my name,” the distressed young woman said early today … Continue reading

Area Woman Hasn’t Been Having Vivid, Exciting Dreams About You, Unless That Is, You’d Be Cool With That
Adulthood Struggles / Get More Sex / Neighborhood News / Women and Men

Area Woman Hasn’t Been Having Vivid, Exciting Dreams About You, Unless That Is, You’d Be Cool With That

Harriet Vazquez, a sales rep in your building, confirmed that you were absolutely not in her dream last night, or any other night in recent memory. She added that on the off chance you were to find that scenario acceptable, she would not rule out the possibility of your appearance in future dreams, perhaps as … Continue reading