America At Nearby Bar For Birthday This Year If You Wanna Swing By
Adulthood Struggles / Drunk Mistakes / holidays / In The News / Neighborhood News / The Man

America At Nearby Bar For Birthday This Year If You Wanna Swing By

PHILADELPHIA, PA. – Instead of hosting and cleaning up after another party in America’s apartment this year, she decided to have friends gather at a local bar. “It’ll be really low key, feel free to roll through and leave whenever,” America announced in a Facebook event. “Parking’s pretty easy, the meters on the main street … Continue reading

Local Woman Over-Pronouncing Horchata
Adulthood Struggles / Fears / Food / Neighborhood News

Local Woman Over-Pronouncing Horchata

LOS ANGELES, CA – Local white woman Sadie Andreyevsky reported to authorities this morning that she felt “flustered, broken, and confused” – because of her favorite rice, vanilla, and cinnamon drink.   “I know I’m doing it wrong,” she announced to a silent press conference, visibly welling with emotion. “But I can’t stop. I think … Continue reading

Mid-2000s Garfield Comic Strips Still Winner Of Most Space On Dad’s Fridge
Adulthood Struggles / Grief Counseling / Neighborhood News

Mid-2000s Garfield Comic Strips Still Winner Of Most Space On Dad’s Fridge

ARCADIA, CA – Despite her best efforts from birth until age 27, local woman Andy Dawes has been unable to win her father’s approval to the same degree as Jim Davis c. 2002-2007. “When I grew up, it was mainly Garfield strips from the mid-80s that he’d put up there. Also some Hagar the Horrible, … Continue reading

Friend Late To Meal Surprised About Traffic
Adulthood Struggles / Advice / Food / General Whining / Natural Phenomena / Neighborhood News / Self Help

Friend Late To Meal Surprised About Traffic

LOS ANGELES, CA – In a turn of events yesterday evening, Melissa finally showed up at 7:24 with breathless reports of “traffic, like, everywhere.” “I think the rest of us saw the traffic coming, given that it was dinner and dinner typically happens right at the end of rush hour,” explained one witness, a friend … Continue reading

5 LA Brunch Spots Almost Good Enough To Give Life Some Meaning
Adulthood Struggles / Food / Lists / Neighborhood News

5 LA Brunch Spots Almost Good Enough To Give Life Some Meaning

Human interaction, sunsets, and everything you’ve fought so hard for has failed to make you happy. Why not give one of these great brunch spots a shot? Annabelle’s If you’re lacking a sense of purpose, see if you’ll find it in the famous French toast at Annabelle’s. Spring for their indulgent extra toppings, since you’re … Continue reading

2014’s Best Moments In Comedy (As Described To You By Your Dad)
Celebrities / Lists / Movies/TV / Neighborhood News

2014’s Best Moments In Comedy (As Described To You By Your Dad)

If anything makes a funny moment better, it’s describing the punch line slowly and extensively. Here are your dad’s top moments in comedy this year – much more of a competition since that Kutcher kid ruined Two And A Half Men. Jimmy Fallon Lip Sync Battles – “Oh, have you seen those? They’re great. They’re … Continue reading