“So this was like the fourth sewer drain this week,” says local duckling rescuer (many times over) Anita Juarez. “And roof? How did they get onto a roof?”
Disgruntled thoughts – shared by many citizens who are tired of getting ducklings out of and off of things around town. “Maybe we should just let them naturally select themselves into birds that don’t have to be rescued so often,” suggests Officer Chris Aiden of the local police force. “It’d save us a lot of taxpayer resources at this point.”
Not all share the frustration at the baby birds’ lack of responsibility. “I feel good about myself when I get to rescue something,” says an anonymous resident. “And everyone else I’ve ever cared for has left me. The ducklings wouldn’t.”
But anger is, unfortunately for the duck community, the popular reaction. “Hey ducklings, are you an idiot?” rails the city’s official Twitter account. “Grow up. You’ll be ducks soon. Act like it.”
“I had a parakeet and I only had to rescue it, like, once its entire life, from behind the trash can,” complains Mayor Ellen Harris. “I don’t know how he got there. But I can forgive it once.”
It’s uncertain whether ducklings will take the hint and back off – but unless they’re “an idiot,” it sounds like they’ll have to.