Harriet Vazquez, a sales rep in your building, confirmed that you were absolutely not in her dream last night, or any other night in recent memory. She added that on the off chance you were to find that scenario acceptable, she would not rule out the possibility of your appearance in future dreams, perhaps as … Continue reading
A Los Angeles woman granted time to celebrate the life and accomplishments of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. chose to honor him by finally marathoning Firefly. “I’ve heard from so many people that it’s amazing, and it was great to have a day to myself to see what all the fuss is about,” the 26-year-old … Continue reading
After collecting half a dozen button-down shirts and successfully going to the gym once a week, twenty-something-about-town Trevor decided to tackle his apartment’s interior. “I was ready to really make my living space reflect who I am, who I’ve become in my adult life,” he explains. “And that’s why I bought this Wolverine poster.” The … Continue reading
“He was always such a clingy dog,” says Linda Herman, whose family feels they gave their dog Marty “clear signs” they were interested in pursuing other dogs. “We tried everything else, at first. Pretending we didn’t see Marty when we ran into him around the house, ‘forgetting’ to tell him when we went to the … Continue reading
Something appeared a little off with a local office coordinator earlier today. Megan Grouse, 32, reportedly mistook her co-workers for various family members, fueled by apparent pent-up resentment for each. She also brought stuffing, made after her mother’s recipe. “OF COURSE IT’S NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS YOURS, MOTHER,” she snapped to her startled supervisor. … Continue reading
“So this was like the fourth sewer drain this week,” says local duckling rescuer (many times over) Anita Juarez. “And roof? How did they get onto a roof?” Disgruntled thoughts – shared by many citizens who are tired of getting ducklings out of and off of things around town. “Maybe we should just let them … Continue reading
“I’ve never felt connected to the attributes of my Chinese zodiac sign, the cock,” explains 32-year-old Harlan White. He just finished a weeklong bender in Van Nuys and came out with a rather permanent way to remember the otherwise fun vacation – a majestic red cock across his left shoulder. “Cocks are supposed to be … Continue reading
Greg Cruz, a 27-year-old bank teller of Puerto Rican and Dutch descent, has been told by many people he looks like Daniel Radcliffe – including the strangers who mistake him for Daniel Radcliffe. Cruz recalls a typical interaction from earlier today. “A little girl came to my teller window with her mom, and said ‘I … Continue reading
To everyone’s delight at each USC home football game, fans in the student section engage in intense teamwork to make giant artistic images out of colored tiles in the stadium. After this weekend’s spirited visual masterpiece, USC might want to consider changing its “Fight On” slogan to “&~`____*\”. “I know it might look easy, but … Continue reading
It’s pretty much a given nowadays that any business is getting their hands all sticky in the social media honeypot. Not to be left out of the action, that shady liquor store around the corner from your house wants to expand its regulars beyond those drunk guys that you walk by every morning and the … Continue reading
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