A local woman in a 3-month-long “official” relationship is announcing she’s made a crucial mistake. “We kept fighting about things I do wrong, or details about past relationships I shouldn’t have brought up. So I decided to lie about both!” The woman says that when awkward topics or unhappy feelings do come up, she’s decided … Continue reading
After hearing the story six times since this weekend of how one very anonymous local woman strained a hip joint during “awesome” sex, friends are now aware that Alexa* [name changed] is in a lot of awesome-sex-related pain. “My name is Jess. Jess Fumero. Tell them my name,” the distressed young woman said early today … Continue reading
Experts agree that if there ever were a day to ramp up an acquaintanceship to a romantanceship (or even a boningtanceship), today’s the day. Whether the young woman you’ve had your eye on is lonely or not, letting her know that you and your genitals find her appearance pleasing is likely to result in happiness, … Continue reading
Disappointed with previous fun-ness of reported guest experiences, company CEO Charles Wild Wings has announced the Guest Experience Captain position will no longer be something “unfun people can just waltz into.” “When I’m watching a football game on one of our dozens of fine TVs, and a girl with a microphone is encouraging me to … Continue reading
A Los Angeles woman granted time to celebrate the life and accomplishments of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. chose to honor him by finally marathoning Firefly. “I’ve heard from so many people that it’s amazing, and it was great to have a day to myself to see what all the fuss is about,” the 26-year-old … Continue reading
After collecting half a dozen button-down shirts and successfully going to the gym once a week, twenty-something-about-town Trevor decided to tackle his apartment’s interior. “I was ready to really make my living space reflect who I am, who I’ve become in my adult life,” he explains. “And that’s why I bought this Wolverine poster.” The … Continue reading
If the idea of reading all the collections, slideshows, and fastidious accounting and indexing of pop culture this year makes you feel like someone’s got a tight grip on your listicles, you can breathe easy – here’s all you need to read. 2013’s five most touching times Google decided not to destroy all the humans … Continue reading
“He was always such a clingy dog,” says Linda Herman, whose family feels they gave their dog Marty “clear signs” they were interested in pursuing other dogs. “We tried everything else, at first. Pretending we didn’t see Marty when we ran into him around the house, ‘forgetting’ to tell him when we went to the … Continue reading
“You just have to see it! It’s funny in my head,” said an actress named Jan* to her friends and family today, after they suggested she reconsider. One of the recent astounding gifts of the internet is a window to the masses of people unaware that painting on a darker skin color for a costume … Continue reading
Something appeared a little off with a local office coordinator earlier today. Megan Grouse, 32, reportedly mistook her co-workers for various family members, fueled by apparent pent-up resentment for each. She also brought stuffing, made after her mother’s recipe. “OF COURSE IT’S NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS YOURS, MOTHER,” she snapped to her startled supervisor. … Continue reading
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