If the idea of reading all the collections, slideshows, and fastidious accounting and indexing of pop culture this year makes you feel like someone’s got a tight grip on your listicles, you can breathe easy – here’s all you need to read.

2013’s five most touching times Google decided not to destroy all the humans

2013’s moments Jennifer Lawrence lived that weren’t put on the internet

2013’s top 1.5 movies your boyfriend made you watch that weren’t actually that bad

2013’s surprise parties your carelessness ruined (one)

2013’s most coherent drunk rants about America’s health care, education, and cigarette prices

2013’s best sexual encounters you missed by over consuming alcohol and/or Thai food

2013’s best sites/images/videos you bookmarked, never to see again

2013’s top 10 times your dad really loved you, but was just bad at showing it

This year’s best nude pictures you promised you’d delete

