INTERNET, USA — “This is America. I was told I can be anything when I grow up, and doesn’t ‘anything’ include an attendee at select screenings of Wonder Woman in one city in Texas?” tweeted activist Ben Reely (@womenaretheoppressive-gender) Thursday morning. He’s one of nearly dozens of protesters voicing their grievances about what he calls … Continue reading
Tag Archives: movies
Do not let Trump Distract You With New ‘Pirates of The Caribbean’ Hottie Brenton Thwaites
It’s getting harder and harder to keep up with the headlines coming out of Washington at increasingly dizzying speeds thanks to President Trump’s apparent talent for media distraction, so you’ll be forgiven if you’ve fallen for his latest and most brilliant attention trap, ‘Pirates of The Caribbean 5’ Australian cutie Brenton Thwaites. As admittedly satisfying … Continue reading
CHILDHOOD RUINED: Olsens’ “It Takes Two” To Be Rebooted With All-Female Cast
Written by Leah Folta & Lia Woodward The internet is in an uproar after this morning’s announcement that Warner Bros. greenlit an all-female reboot of beloved childhood Olsen twins favorite It Takes Two – re-ruining childhoods already devastated by the recent Ghostbusters movie. Much of the outrage centers around the idea that two memorable roles … Continue reading
Time Traveler Who Planned Better Has Plenty Of Time To Explain
ARCADIA, CA — A local teen struggling to make decisions about her future on Friday afternoon was visited by herself from the year 2028 and was pleased to find that she had plenty of time to acclimate to the situation. (As a minor, she remains anonymous.) “I wish the media would stop and think for … Continue reading
This Woman Can Only Orgasm To New Info About Gilmore Girls Revival
PASADENA, CA – The upcoming Gilmore Girls Netflix revival has aroused excitement in hordes of internet fans, but for one woman the arousal is literal – and not as fun as it sounds. “It’s ruined my life, honestly, and I’m sick of hiding it,” Tasha Perkins, 41, revealed about her newfound affliction. “I can only, … Continue reading
Nation’s Unemployment Rate For Andrew Garfields At 100%
WASHINGTON, D.C. – White House officials scrambled for answers this morning when news broke that the nation’s unemployment rate for Andrew Garfields has skyrocketed in recent months – to approximately 100%. “He’s so talented, he’s brilliant. There’s no reason. How did we let this happen?” A spokesperson for Garfield said in a live press conference … Continue reading
Oscar’s Big Night with That Girl He’s Been Seeing: Best, Worst, and Weirdest Moments
After weeks and weeks of building it up, Oscar Meene’s most anticipated event of the year finally commenced this past Sunday night when Amy Offner, that girl he’s been seeing for a little while, came over to watch the Academy Awards at Oscar’s invitation and wound up staying overnight for the first time since they … Continue reading
Disney Princesses Digitally Edited To Have Realistic Goals
From Snow White in 1937 to Rapunzel in 2010, it’s interesting that not much has changed in 70 years regarding princesses’ unrealistic dreams and goal setting. Whether it’s a musical adventure through the mysterious forest to find your royal parents and discover who you are, or sneaking out of the palace and capturing the heart … Continue reading
5 Celebrities That Had No Idea You Were Gay
Here are 5 stars that never could have guessed you were gay! 1) Ian McKellan Famed actor Sir Ian McKellan gave a wise, knowing nod at the news that you are gay, always have been, always will be, and have no reason to hide, before responding, “I’ve known for years that Anderson Cooper was gay, … Continue reading
Area Woman Officially Swears Off Guys Named ‘Steve’
Abby Slenson, an online marketing consultant, announced to her friends over Sunday drinks that she’s “completely done” getting romantically involved with what she described as “any and all Steves. Never again.” Slenson’s decision to eschew any past, present, and future guys in her life named Steve was reached after what she calls “[her] consistent rotten … Continue reading