Experts have found that a simple trick will improve the taste and texture of your booty the next time you serve your guests (or just yourself!). Rest your booty for ten minutes before serving, or all of the care and effort you put into preparation may result in a booty that’s tougher and chewier than … Continue reading
ST. LOUIS, MO – Prominent white supremacist Dan Donelan, whose faith in the superiority of white people shapes every facet of his life and behavior, may be reconsidering his beliefs based on local white teen Tyler – who is seemingly not growing up to be “supreme.” “We like to give ‘em a few years to … Continue reading
ARCADIA, CA — A local teen struggling to make decisions about her future on Friday afternoon was visited by herself from the year 2028 and was pleased to find that she had plenty of time to acclimate to the situation. (As a minor, she remains anonymous.) “I wish the media would stop and think for … Continue reading
WASHINGTON, D.C. – At the First Annual Subnormal Temperature Hands Convention in the nation’s capital this month, organizers were surprised to discover that they also had an accidental OB/gyn convention on their cold, cold hands. The 693 speakers and attendees, enjoying panels and workshops such as “Discreet Blankets For Public Use,” “Wearing Mittens To Bed: … Continue reading
LOS ANGELES, CA – In a turn of events yesterday evening, Melissa finally showed up at 7:24 with breathless reports of “traffic, like, everywhere.” “I think the rest of us saw the traffic coming, given that it was dinner and dinner typically happens right at the end of rush hour,” explained one witness, a friend … Continue reading
“There are a few easy things you can do to get pretty much any woman into bed,” Mike “SwitchBlaade” Ross began, taking the hands of his future wife at the altar of a little church in Eagle Rock, Los Angeles. Continue reading
Join Pinterest, or a well-trained mafia of women in embroidered vintage gloves and cute feather patterned hoods will hold you down in your sleep and force your eyes open as they sign you up against your will. And you better start goddamn pinning or the process will be repeated as the mafia pins some Mason-jar-themed … Continue reading
Things super successful people do before 8am. Productive people wake up really early. Wake up insanely early. Other articles that would fill you with rage if you weren’t so tired. Despite the mainstream internet media’s weird obsession with getting you to get up before sunrise, accomplished humans who are also nonfunctional in the AM are … Continue reading
Bet you didn’t know apple cider vinegar was so handy! Did you know a little apple cider vinegar a day can prevent home invasions? Use apple cider vinegar to disband your musical improv theater group. Apple cider vinegar helps reduce/prevent forest fires and violent crime. It helps to regulate small business owners. It helps relieve … Continue reading
Shy guys are notoriously difficult to read, especially when it comes to gauging whether or not he’s legally joined in holy matrimony with you. Watch for these subtle hints to help solve the marital mystery! 1) He stares then looks away. Do you often catch him staring at you out of the corner of your … Continue reading
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