ST. LOUIS, MO – Prominent white supremacist Dan Donelan, whose faith in the superiority of white people shapes every facet of his life and behavior, may be reconsidering his beliefs based on local white teen Tyler – who is seemingly not growing up to be “supreme.” “We like to give ‘em a few years to … Continue reading
PHILADELPHIA, PA. – Instead of hosting and cleaning up after another party in America’s apartment this year, she decided to have friends gather at a local bar. “It’ll be really low key, feel free to roll through and leave whenever,” America announced in a Facebook event. “Parking’s pretty easy, the meters on the main street … Continue reading
LOS ANGELES, CA – As the famous law of physics states, every ignorant public comment or piece of media released by a prominent figure has an equal and opposite reaction from the blogosphere. Unfortunately for physics, ignorant comment-saying and media creation requires much less energy than the necessary response to explain why it was degrading … Continue reading
Experts agree that if there ever were a day to ramp up an acquaintanceship to a romantanceship (or even a boningtanceship), today’s the day. Whether the young woman you’ve had your eye on is lonely or not, letting her know that you and your genitals find her appearance pleasing is likely to result in happiness, … Continue reading
In a statement issued Monday evening, Jesus of Nazareth, the central figure of Christianity, expressed his overwhelming gratitude for all of the “Likes” and “Shares” his pictures have received on Facebook, saying, “it really means a lot to me.” Until this week, Jesus, a self-proclaimed fan of face-to-face interactions and “just picking up the phone … Continue reading
Greg Cruz, a 27-year-old bank teller of Puerto Rican and Dutch descent, has been told by many people he looks like Daniel Radcliffe – including the strangers who mistake him for Daniel Radcliffe. Cruz recalls a typical interaction from earlier today. “A little girl came to my teller window with her mom, and said ‘I … Continue reading
This whole newfangled business of “like”ing and “share”ing and basing your self worth on both might seem confusing, or scary. What do people “like” the most? Will anyone ever love you? Why do you feel so alone and cold in this unfeeling universe of digital friends who are all doing sexier, more fulfilling things than … Continue reading
They are the “Me Generation,” coddled to delusion, constantly Twittering everything on their Facebooks. When I was your age, we didn’t have these millennial “material girls” with their mohawks, robot obsession, crop tops, hair metal, and the rise of crack cocaine. All these flannel-wearing draft-dodging feminist millennials are too selfish to get a job or … Continue reading
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