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Your Newsfeed’s Top Posts This Week
90s / Adulthood Struggles / Advice / Babies / Cute Cute Cute / Lists / Social Media

Your Newsfeed’s Top Posts This Week

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This whole newfangled business of “like”ing and “share”ing and basing your self worth on both might seem confusing, or scary. What do people “like” the most? Will anyone ever love you? Why do you feel so alone and cold in this unfeeling universe of digital friends who are all doing sexier, more fulfilling things than … Continue reading →

Cockroach that pilots John Boehner still getting paid during shutdown
Business News / Celebrities / In The News / Politics

Cockroach that pilots John Boehner still getting paid during shutdown

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WASHINGTON D.C.–“Representative Boehner’s roach has been deemed ‘essential’ to government function,” one furloughed employee complained. “Most of us have been piloting ourselves all along and still don’t get a paycheck right now.” The situation certainly looks bad for the much-criticized House speaker, who has been busy leading his party to record low approval ratings. The … Continue reading →

Orgeron brings dessert back to USC football players; in talks to restore snuggling with girlfriends, bring sexy back, save the true meaning of Christmas
In The News / Sports

Orgeron brings dessert back to USC football players; in talks to restore snuggling with girlfriends, bring sexy back, save the true meaning of Christmas

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After reopening practices to the media, USC’s Interim head coach Ed Orgeron added another item to the list of delicious changes that have gone into effect since former coach Lane Kiffin’s dismissal, namely the return of dessert to team meals. “You feed a lineman a cookie, he’s happy,” Orgeron, who himself is partial to classic milk … Continue reading →

If The Shady Liquor Store By Your House Had A Twitter
Business News / Drunk Mistakes / Neighborhood News / Social Media

If The Shady Liquor Store By Your House Had A Twitter

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It’s pretty much a given nowadays that any business is getting their hands all sticky in the social media honeypot. Not to be left out of the action, that shady liquor store around the corner from your house wants to expand its regulars beyond those drunk guys that you walk by every morning and the … Continue reading →

Millions of Americans flock to Facebook to post clever jokes about the government shutdown because “what else CAN we do?!”
In The News / Politics / The Man

Millions of Americans flock to Facebook to post clever jokes about the government shutdown because “what else CAN we do?!”

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During the hours leading up to and following the U.S. government shutdown, Americans rallied in good traditional form by getting on Facebook and sharing their humorous take on the event. Bill Thurgood, a small business owner and internet savvy American, posted, “Can you believe the government shut down after the big game last night? Hah.” … Continue reading →

USC’s interim coach can feed self, tie own shoes
Celebrities / In The News / Sports

USC’s interim coach can feed self, tie own shoes

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“The rate of recovery, even at this point, has been staggering,” says one college football blogger. “Basic motor skills? A day in? It’s more than we could have hoped.” And many USC fans were hoping, all right. Ever since The Accident (SC’s previous season-and-a-half long era), it was unclear whether they’d see leadership that didn’t … Continue reading →

The REAL Problem With Millennials
Adulthood Struggles / Advice / Fears / General Whining / In The News

The REAL Problem With Millennials

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They are the “Me Generation,” coddled to delusion, constantly Twittering everything on their Facebooks. When I was your age, we didn’t have these millennial “material girls” with their mohawks, robot obsession, crop tops, hair metal, and the rise of crack cocaine. All these flannel-wearing draft-dodging feminist millennials are too selfish to get a job or … Continue reading →

Lane Kiffin Reveals USC Game Day Strategy: “It’s always Opposite Day!”
In The News / Sports

Lane Kiffin Reveals USC Game Day Strategy: “It’s always Opposite Day!”

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Sensing some tension in the room after USC’s head-scratchingly bad loss to Washington State, Lane Kiffin decided to share where his head is at on game day in what he calmly described as, “Opposite Day.” “I like to play this little game called Opposite Day,” Kiffin explained in a recent press conference. “Pat [Haden]’s in … Continue reading →