“You just have to see it! It’s funny in my head,” said an actress named Jan* to her friends and family today, after they suggested she reconsider. One of the recent astounding gifts of the internet is a window to the masses of people unaware that painting on a darker skin color for a costume … Continue reading
Shy guys are notoriously difficult to read, especially when it comes to gauging whether or not he’s legally joined in holy matrimony with you. Watch for these subtle hints to help solve the marital mystery! 1) He stares then looks away. Do you often catch him staring at you out of the corner of your … Continue reading
Something appeared a little off with a local office coordinator earlier today. Megan Grouse, 32, reportedly mistook her co-workers for various family members, fueled by apparent pent-up resentment for each. She also brought stuffing, made after her mother’s recipe. “OF COURSE IT’S NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS YOURS, MOTHER,” she snapped to her startled supervisor. … Continue reading
“I’ve never felt connected to the attributes of my Chinese zodiac sign, the cock,” explains 32-year-old Harlan White. He just finished a weeklong bender in Van Nuys and came out with a rather permanent way to remember the otherwise fun vacation – a majestic red cock across his left shoulder. “Cocks are supposed to be … Continue reading
The small, elite group of Washington, D.C. officials who decide every year just how much space is appropriate for gaps between sections of bathroom stalls confirmed once again that everything is going, as one official put it, “super well.” “We’re very happy to confirm that the limits we’ve all been living with since the founding … Continue reading
1. Missing the Recess gang. And that kid whose bed you lived under that looked like one of the Recess gang. (Mikey.) 2. Wishing you still had Lipsmackers lip gloss, which was the only thing that could classily dazzle up scaly green skin in middle school. 3. Collecting AOL free trial CDs in the mail … Continue reading
Millions of readers have been begging for alternatives to the tired old Nurse-Patient dynamic (yawn!), and we have heard your freaky plea. After a little bit of brainstorming, here are eight real life-inspired roles complete with helpful dialogue suggestions to get you into character on your spicy nighttime funtivities. 1) Dermatologist and Patient Suggested Dialogue: … Continue reading
This whole newfangled business of “like”ing and “share”ing and basing your self worth on both might seem confusing, or scary. What do people “like” the most? Will anyone ever love you? Why do you feel so alone and cold in this unfeeling universe of digital friends who are all doing sexier, more fulfilling things than … Continue reading
They are the “Me Generation,” coddled to delusion, constantly Twittering everything on their Facebooks. When I was your age, we didn’t have these millennial “material girls” with their mohawks, robot obsession, crop tops, hair metal, and the rise of crack cocaine. All these flannel-wearing draft-dodging feminist millennials are too selfish to get a job or … Continue reading
The Mystery of the Spider That Fell Behind The Dresser Nancy Drew And The Guy That Was Walking Kind Of Close Behind You After Work Anne Rice’s The Night Jogger That Ran Like A Zombie Stephen King’s The GChat About Your Boss That Your Boss Totally Walked By And Saw Harry Potter and the Shadow … Continue reading
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