Area Woman Officially Swears Off Guys Named ‘Steve’
Adulthood Struggles / Celebrities / General Whining / Neighborhood News / Women and Men

Area Woman Officially Swears Off Guys Named ‘Steve’

Abby Slenson, an online marketing consultant, announced to her friends over Sunday drinks that she’s “completely done” getting romantically involved with what she described as “any and all Steves. Never again.” Slenson’s decision to eschew any past, present, and future guys in her life named Steve was reached after what she calls “[her] consistent rotten … Continue reading

Community wondering if stranded ducklings are doing this on purpose
Babies / Cute Cute Cute / General Whining / In The News / Neighborhood News

Community wondering if stranded ducklings are doing this on purpose

“So this was like the fourth sewer drain this week,” says local duckling rescuer (many times over) Anita Juarez. “And roof? How did they get onto a roof?” Disgruntled thoughts – shared by many citizens who are tired of getting ducklings out of and off of things around town. “Maybe we should just let them … Continue reading

Annual Bathroom Stall Gap Committee confirms: “1-1/2 inches A-OK!”
Adulthood Struggles / Business News / Fears / General Whining / In The News / Politics / The Man

Annual Bathroom Stall Gap Committee confirms: “1-1/2 inches A-OK!”

The small, elite group of Washington, D.C. officials who decide every year just how much space is appropriate for gaps between sections of bathroom stalls confirmed once again that everything is going, as one official put it, “super well.” “We’re very happy to confirm that the limits we’ve all been living with since the founding … Continue reading

10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re A 90s Kid (Who Was Also A Monster)
90s / Adulthood Struggles / Celebrities / Fears / General Whining / Lists / Movies/TV

10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re A 90s Kid (Who Was Also A Monster)

1. Missing the Recess gang. And that kid whose bed you lived under that looked like one of the Recess gang. (Mikey.) 2. Wishing you still had Lipsmackers lip gloss, which was the only thing that could classily dazzle up scaly green skin in middle school. 3. Collecting AOL free trial CDs in the mail … Continue reading

The REAL Problem With Millennials
Adulthood Struggles / Advice / Fears / General Whining / In The News

The REAL Problem With Millennials

They are the “Me Generation,” coddled to delusion, constantly Twittering everything on their Facebooks. When I was your age, we didn’t have these millennial “material girls” with their mohawks, robot obsession, crop tops, hair metal, and the rise of crack cocaine. All these flannel-wearing draft-dodging feminist millennials are too selfish to get a job or … Continue reading