A Commencement Speech – For Your First Year Out Of College
Adulthood Struggles / Advice / Grief Counseling / Self Help

A Commencement Speech – For Your First Year Out Of College

Seeing all of you gathered here today, mostly in your pajamas, it’s crazy to realize that just one year ago we were just starting on this journey: capped and gowned, maybe kind of drunk, truly thrilled to see our family but also excited for them to leave so we could have sex with Kevin before … Continue reading

Horoscope Retractions (From The World’s Worst Horoscopist)
Adulthood Struggles / Advice / Self Help

Horoscope Retractions (From The World’s Worst Horoscopist)

Scientists make new discoveries all the time, including us here in the respected, constant-discovery-making field of horoscopy. And sometimes we just straight up miss or ignore stuff we shouldn’t have. Let he who never made a mistake at his job cast the first stone, all right? Virgo – When I wrote last week that “you’re … Continue reading

A Basic Guide To Body Language (For The Lady On The Prowl)
Advice / Get More Sex / Self Help

A Basic Guide To Body Language (For The Lady On The Prowl)

Here is everything I’ve learned about the ancient art of body language from Cosmo, Cosmo Girl!, and my numerous personal successes. Someone’s body language may tell you more about what they’re thinking than what they actually say! Memorize these tips and watch yourself become irresistible. HOW TO READ THE BODY LANGUAGE OF OTHERS (to maximize your … Continue reading

The Musical Soundtrack To Postgrad Unemployment
Adulthood Struggles / Advice / Feats Of Musical Genius / General Whining / Grief Counseling

The Musical Soundtrack To Postgrad Unemployment

Your first summer as a degreed adult has dawned. As you may have noticed, the rest of your life sprawls endlessly, terrifyingly before you with no semblance of the former school-year structure you’ve known for roughly 90% of your life. Luckily, when I graduated I decided to capture the sounds of this horrible time in … Continue reading

The Customer Service Championship (If Dealing with Customer Service was a Sport)
Adulthood Struggles / General Whining / Sports / The Man

The Customer Service Championship (If Dealing with Customer Service was a Sport)

ACTION RECAP! The winners won, the losers blurted some “accidental” slurs, and the season is now wrapped up after the Keep Calm With Customer Service championship. THE FINALS The competition was long and bitter, as usual, in the three civilian vs. service rep final matches leading up to the championship game. The youngest competitor, college … Continue reading