Here is everything I’ve learned about the ancient art of body language from Cosmo, Cosmo Girl!, and my numerous personal successes. Someone’s body language may tell you more about what they’re thinking than what they actually say! Memorize these tips and watch yourself become irresistible.

HOW TO READ THE BODY LANGUAGE OF OTHERS (to maximize your seductive success)

His feet point at who he’s thinking about – but his crotch points at who IT’s thinking about. Is it you?

Open hands mean he’s an open person, and/or trying to relate to you… Or more! He probably wants you to hold his hand.

Hands balled into fists means he can be a little closed off. He probably wants you to hold his fist.

Crossing his arms means he needs a hug so badly he’s hugging himself. Offer something relaxing, like a shoulder rub, or say something nice about how his parents are probably proud of him even if they can’t really say it.

If he playfully touches your arm while you talk, it means “hey lady! Nice arms! Would you like some sex?” Good for you! If you then touch his arm, it is a legally binding contract for sex.

If his hand hovers around his mouth when he’s talking, he is a coy person who can be secretive. This one will be tough to seduce. He may also just be hiding something in his mouth, like food or a small trinket. Maybe some beads.

“Finger guns” (think: the Fonz) are aggressive; he wants to shoot you. Beware.

WHAT BODY LANGUAGE YOU CAN EMPLOY (to communicate your seductive agenda)

Hands behind your head is a confident, assertive stance. It says “I am the queen.” Point your elbows at everyone you like, so they’re aware.

He is the queen.

Lunges are a confident, assertive way to walk. It’s how a queen would walk. This will draw others to you like flies! Get some practice ahead of time, so you can lunge while seeming relaxed and “cool.”

If you find yourself without prospects, raise your hand and wait quietly until you are called on. You’ll come across relaxed and “cool.”

To seem friendlier/more approachable, stand with your feet as far apart as you can (without falling down). If you fall down, pretend to laugh, or that you were planning to lie down on the floor. You’ll come across relaxed and “cool.” Don’t be surprised when others join you and pretend they were planning to lie down on the floor!