The small, elite group of Washington, D.C. officials who decide every year just how much space is appropriate for gaps between sections of bathroom stalls confirmed once again that everything is going, as one official put it, “super well.” “We’re very happy to confirm that the limits we’ve all been living with since the founding … Continue reading
WASHINGTON D.C.–“Representative Boehner’s roach has been deemed ‘essential’ to government function,” one furloughed employee complained. “Most of us have been piloting ourselves all along and still don’t get a paycheck right now.” The situation certainly looks bad for the much-criticized House speaker, who has been busy leading his party to record low approval ratings. The … Continue reading
During the hours leading up to and following the U.S. government shutdown, Americans rallied in good traditional form by getting on Facebook and sharing their humorous take on the event. Bill Thurgood, a small business owner and internet savvy American, posted, “Can you believe the government shut down after the big game last night? Hah.” … Continue reading
According to the latest weather reports, Hurricane Flossie will not be backing out of its race toward Hawaii, saying, “it’s not my decision.” Hurricane Flossie’s persistence has meteorologists shaking their heads in the wake of the hurricane’s recent sex scandal. As one weather reporter phrased it, “it was already difficult to take it seriously with … Continue reading
A fierce rivalry has exploded over the past week between a mayoral candidate’s (self-describedly) photogenic penis and a newborn British person most famous for his past work as a fetus. Fans got both figures on every major news program, loudly proclaiming “I need more!” over non-fan mumblings like “why are either of these news.” One … Continue reading
On Tuesday June 25, 2013 Texas Senator Wendy Davis dove right into a filibuster that required her to speak continuously and stay on topic for 13 hours. When asked how she was able to keep coming up with things to say, Senator Davis replied that it was a combination of thorough research and “weekend improv … Continue reading
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