Babies / Celebrities / In The News / Politics

Wiener Fights Baby For America’s Attention

slow news day 2

Anthony “Carlos Danger” Weiner and newly birthed human “George”

A fierce rivalry has exploded over the past week between a mayoral candidate’s (self-describedly) photogenic penis and a newborn British person most famous for his past work as a fetus. Fans got both figures on every major news program, loudly proclaiming “I need more!” over non-fan mumblings like “why are either of these news.”

One operates under the nickname “Carlos Danger” — the other, the slightly ridiculous “Prince.” Both are reportedly above average in size; both are famous for their entrance into and departure from a woman’s nether regions.

George enjoyed an unchallenged 9-month reign as the center of America’s attention and the world’s most famous developing fetus, but it couldn’t last. His iron grip on the spotlight was demonstrated by his refusal to leave the womb on time, ironically allowing the precious attention given his birth to be challenged by former Congressman Weiner’s wiener photography and public adultery.

If the title of “America’s Sweetheart” goes to most internet clicks and air time, baby vs. Danger Wiener is currently neck-in-neck. The top baby boy name is currently “George,” followed closely by regular favorites “Oliver” and “Alex,” which is a huge victory for the prince. However, the top name for men to give their penis recently became “Carlos” (followed closely by “Oliver” and “Alex”), so it’s still anyone’s game.

Top Names

Modern Trends

One thing is clear: neither will be gone from our newsfeeds anytime soon.

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