Adulthood Struggles / Business News / In The News / The Man

Interns Excited To Learn As They Perform Duties Of Company’s Assistants, Janitors, CEO

intern picA midsize Los Angeles production company announced Tuesday that they are “expanding unpaid interns’ roles to increase their opportunities to learn,” according to their PR department, currently consisting of one intern. Most seem to enjoy the new arrangement.

“I wasn’t sure how to feel when I started cleaning the bathrooms, but acting as CEO two days a week has been great for my resume!” says Kelsey, a sophomore in college. The actual CEO, on a mistress vacation in Japan, couldn’t be reached for comment, but has said in the past that “Kelsey has great enthusiasm” and “she or he can have anything out of the kitchen that she or he wants.”

The policies haven’t been without their growing pains. “Since we’ve been filling in for the janitors, the company decided to fire the janitors, the janitors’ union declared us enemies, and many of us had to change our names,” explains one freshman employee who recently named himself Chris Pine.

There was also confusion yesterday over a press release reading “Hi Lauren — Can I still send questions to this address? And if so, is it okay that I’m not wearing a belt today? It’s against dress code, but mine broke this morning!! (Crying emoji) (Crying emoji) (Dress shirt and tie emoji). – Ben.” Though blamed on a technical glitch, many suspect it to be the fault of their PR department, a sophomore named Ben.

“After I made the decision as CEO to commit acts of war against the janitors’ union, I realized that it can be really tough to be the leader when you make the wrong move. Everything falls on you,” Kelsey muses, from her smaller, cheaper desk near the CEO’s desk. “Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Even when the crown is made of negative money you paid for college credit instead of real money.”

A tough lesson, for sure, that the company’s lawyers’ interns have argued legally constitutes “learning.”  

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