WASHINGTON, D.C. — Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s life was officially ruined in a private ceremony Saturday with his family, the president, key politicians, and the other 8 sitting supreme court justices in attendance. President Donald Trump bemoaned Kavanaugh’s ruined life to those present for the occasion before Chief Justice John Roberts and former Justice Anthony Kennedy … Continue reading
WASHINGTON D.C. – Senator Collins heroically addressed the Senate Friday to announce her intention to vote YES on Judge Kavanaugh’s confirmation to the Supreme Court, emphasizing that “we must listen to women before we tell them it doesn’t matter.” In her passionate statement, Senator Collins bravely insisted, “we have to acknowledge the Me Too movement … Continue reading
CHICAGO, IL – Ferris Bueller doubled down Tuesday in a public statement that he spent the entire school day in question at home, sick and in bed after providing calendars from his time in high school in the 80s that make no mention of being anywhere other than his room that day. “I have never … Continue reading
Kamala is doing her best and public opinion isn’t currently glowing, but the political pressure on Republicans and legislatively hilariously easy path for Brett Kavanaugh makes his placement on the Supreme Court currently seem inevitable. So here are some fun date ideas to make the most of your remaining alone time with your uterus! Have … Continue reading
Local grocery store chain company employee Olivia Dewris reported Monday that she felt “considerably uplifted” by the idea of being reborn as a corporation in the next life, “if I’m lucky.” Dewris had been daydreaming about the concept of reincarnation when she began to fantasize about the possibilities. “I started thinking about what could possibly … Continue reading
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