Credit where credit is due to the eagle-eyed viewers who called it after the first episode of Severance Season 2 – theories that Mark S. (Adam Scott) would hate to see perfectly good marshmallows go to waste were finally just confirmed in episode 4. 20 minutes into the latest episode, Mr. Milchick (Tramell Tillman) leads … Continue reading
Tag Archives: Funny
Democrat Hopes Meeting Bear In Middle Will Stop In-Progress Mauling
“I’m here to reach across the aisle and see which parts of me being eaten can align with my goals as well,” one Democratic legislator said early Thursday in between guttural shrieks of pain. “It’s impossible to fight back against every bite. When I do finally fight back against one, I want it to count.” … Continue reading
Gilded Age Season 2 finale just confirmed big fan theory that Ward McAllister is related to Kevin McCallister from Home Alone
A mystery no more! Loyal viewers of The Gilded Age were rewarded during Sunday night’s season 2 finale when a game-changing reveal finally confirmed one of the most popular fan theories – that Ward McAllister, the charming arbiter of social rules and style in 1880s New York, is in fact the great-great-great-great grandfather of Kevin … Continue reading
Climate Crisis: It Still Way Too Hot For Pumpkin Spice Lattes
The worsening climate crisis has yielded yet another unexpected consequence – the Pumpkin Spice Latte is back but it is way too hot for that. More than 50 million Americans now live in areas where enjoying Pumpkin Spice Lattes in September is simply impossible and nothing short of a death wish. What once was a … Continue reading
Get Juicier Booty by Resting Ten Minutes Before Serving
Experts have found that a simple trick will improve the taste and texture of your booty the next time you serve your guests (or just yourself!). Rest your booty for ten minutes before serving, or all of the care and effort you put into preparation may result in a booty that’s tougher and chewier than … Continue reading
Gender is a Spectrum, and Sexuality is a Verizon Fios
Modern understanding of gender and sexuality has led to so many exciting discussions and nuances. Since more people now realize that gender is a Spectrum, if you act now you can bundle a home telephone line with your identity. Since gender is separate from sexuality, this does not preclude you from getting lightning fast internet … Continue reading
CDC Does Not Recommend Sucking On Partner’s Outstretched Tongue, “It’s just too weird.”
After promises from the highly criticized agency to be “less slow to take action,” the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released new guidance Friday saying it does not recommend sucking on a partner’s outstretched tongue on account of being, “just too weird.” “It’s just a really, really bizarre sensation for both parties. We … Continue reading
Woman Convincingly Hiding Reaction To $800 Price Tag Sparks Early Oscar Buzz
Local woman Shannon Ethers, 30, earned herself early talk of an Oscar nod after her performance at a boutique lingerie shop where she convincingly reacted to an $800 bra like it was no big deal. Ethers had reportedly never intended to go into the previously unnoticed shop but popped into the store on a whim … Continue reading
OPINION: What is the path to redemption in the MeToo movement so that I know for when my own misconduct comes out
NEW YORK– Last Sunday night Louis C.K. surprised the audience at the Comedy Cellar with a 15 minute set (which honestly doesn’t sound THAT long, or at least not as long as other guys I’ve heard stories about, and certainly no longer than any one of us has done) suggesting his return to comedy, and … Continue reading
More Realistic Porn to Now Include Pauses for Burps
SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CA — A new effort to offer more “realistic” content within the adult film industry promises to now show actors briefly putting the sexy action on hold in order to accomodate burps throughout the scene. “Some will be really quick, some might be louder than anticipated, and some might be a total … Continue reading