Sam and Diane. Ross and Rachel. Jim and Pam. Corey and Topanga. Jon Snow and You-Know-Nothin’-Jon-Snuh.
All of these pairs have something in common, and that is the burning desire Americans felt at one time or another to see these people finally get it together… sexually. And now you’re feeling that same longing for some special tv couple for which you’ve fallen. Hard.
Believe me, I get it. These strong feelings can be overwhelming, exciting, and confusing at times. I know how all the tension builds and builds week after week until you can barely stand it. You sit there watching the people you’ve been shipping for ages, hanging on every word and glance, and all you can think is, “I. WANT. THIS. NOW.” *
*I want this now for the characters’ sake.
Even though it might seem like sex is the obvious, most natural thing you could possibly want for your favorite characters in this moment, it’s important to take a step back, cool off, and consider with a clear head if you’re REALLY ready for this to go down just yet. Here’s a quick helpful checklist:
1) Understand what “having sex” actually means (for TV characters).
Most characters define “having sex” as having had some sex with another character on that show. This seems pretty straightforward, but before you get too excited, ask yourself – what network is this show on? HBO? Or ABC? Depending on your answer, “having sex” can be defined anywhere from “full-on boobs” and such to vague innuendos about the “last night” that we the audience never actually saw. Know and understand what you’re getting yourself into ahead of time, or else you might discover your expectations are disappointingly unrealistic. Another thing to consider is that TV sex isn’t always simply a physical act or a descriptive expositional line. For instance, the acting, the lighting, the camera angles, and background musical choice can really make it a significant emotional and spiritual experience. For the two characters.
2) Make sure you understand the risks.
If there’s anything TV shows love, it’s surprise pregnancies. STD risk, not so much, however it’s not entirely unheard of. Point is, are you ready for these character’s storylines to take a dramatically different turn that may drive them even FURTHER apart? It almost certainly won’t ruin any characters’ lives or careers, but the romance? Talk it over with someone you trust and are comfortable with, like the trained nurse in your office who’s always posting buzzfeed articles about the TV couple in question and sex, respectively.
3) Don’t succumb to pressure
If you’re considering wanting two TV characters to have sex just because that’s what your crush (with whom you’ve been watching the show religiously) wants, or what all of your friends want, or what all of the internet wants, or what your mom wants, stop right there. Remember that characters having sex can completely kill a show if it isn’t handled properly. If you really care about these characters, it’ll happen when the time is right. It’ll be more enjoyable for everyone that way.
4) Does having sex violate any of the characters’ beliefs?
Would your character have sex? Really? On Sesame Street?
5) Are you ready for the emotional aspects of seeing your favorite characters FINALLY get it on?
Sex within a favorite TV relationship can cause viewers to release oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding, meaning that this event could cause you to become more attached to this show than you originally anticipated or wanted. What if one of the actor’s contract expires, or the whole show suddenly gets cancelled? How will you deal? If you don’t feel ready for that, consider getting out now.
6) Do you trust the writers?
You should feel confident that the writers of this show are basically good people who aren’t going to totally screw this up for you. This can be difficult to determine, seeing as you’ve probably never met them much less know whether or not the beginning of Up makes them cry. You’re really going to have to trust your gut on this one. If that’s just not cutting it, and you’re still not sure, here’s one thing you can try: write a full spec script of the show in which the characters in question have sex exactly how you would want them to, down to the very last detailed action description, and send it to the writers. Their feedback, or lack thereof, will tell you everything you need to know.
7) Understand that your favorite TV characters having sex won’t save your relationship with the show OR make you more popular.
If a show has been on a steady decline, your favorite characters having sex isn’t going to fix all of its problems. On the other hand, if a show is doing all the right things week after week, favorite character sex can be really awesome icing on the cake. Rather than a cure-all, think of favorite character sex as a magnifying glass for whatever state things are already in. And while favorite TV characters having sex might in fact increase that show’s popularity, TV characters’ sex lives and your popularity have absolutely nothing to do with each other. If you thought anything different, then you’re really not ready for this.
If you reviewed this list and found all the right answers in your soul, go grab a comfy seat, a blanket, some popcorn, and have fun hoping for that sex to happen soon* because friend, you are ready 🙂
*For the characters!