With all the other fun sex stuff you’ve discovered since your initial awakenings, we here at Handjobs® are a little concerned that you’ve forgotten handjobs. Like your childhood stuffed animal, we were important to you once.

And why would you forget them? They’re more casual! It’s like a snack. And you love dinner, but still eat snacks, don’t you?

They’re quaint! They really take you back to that screening of The Notebook in seventh grade: a simpler, more innocent time. They’re like a quick drive in the old manual car, in the country. Or in your bedroom or a movie theater or your mom’s mini van.

Some detractors argue it’s close to what you’d do on your own — but isn’t it nice to have someone help out with the chores once in a while? Even someone who doesn’t have the 10-15 years of experience with the chores that you do? Who doesn’t understand that there’s a certain rhythm involved in completing your chores? What you learn might surprise you!

We’ll be honest – we wouldn’t mind making a romp in the ol’ digital playground a little edgier. You could jazz up a handjob with:

– Some fun gloves

– Your favorite music CD

– Closing your eyes and pretending it’s sex (receiver only)

Gosh, it’ll take you weeks to get through that list. Better get to grippin’!

They are – at the very least! – a nice gesture, but are now endangered. Helping save them is one of the easiest philanthropies you’ll do all year. We wouldn’t be surprised if you forgot about sex and all the other sex things entirely! Who needs anything else when you’ve got Handjobs®?