To the American People,

We, your Democratic Leaders, want you to know that we have heard your voices loud and clear, and that we are listening, because that is what our consultants who just woke up advised us to say.  

Now is the time to take action. You asked for a list of what we plan to do in the face of this fascist takeover of the United States, and here it is:

1) Write the strongest worded Yelp review you’ve ever seen. One star!

2) Shake our fingers at them with the force of a grandmother who is not going to ask again.

3) Leave handwritten notes outlining our grievances on the bathroom mirror and refrigerator door for them to find later. We’ll conclude it with a little smiley face.

4) Call Elon’s mother to let her know what is going on.

5) Then, call the principal of the school.

6) Did we mention this dangerous administration will not be getting a good tip when this is all over? That is for sure!

7) Forbid Trump from using the car to drive his friends around if he keeps this up.

8) Disinvite every one of them from any of our birthday parties. 

9) Immediately tell Santa about all the naughty behavior going on this year. They’re really not gonna like that. They love Santa, you see.

10) Loudly and pointedly slam the cabinet doors shut in any and all common areas whenever Trump is around. He’ll get the message loud and clear.

11) Introduce legislation that explicitly states Senate Minority leader Chuck Schumer “is not mad, just disappointed.”

12) Hide all of their underwear until they answer some of our questions.

We are also open to your ideas if you have them. And $5, $10, even $20.

In solidarity, 

The Resistance